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UPS Freakout 1
Hello? Yeah, could I talk to your husband? Who is this, please? This is Bernard. Bernard, and what's this regarding? Uhh, I think he just spoke to my boy a few minutes ago. Just need to talk to him. No! What is this regarding? I think he just spoke to my son on the phone, a few minutes ago, mam. ''' If he's talking about a ...a COD, it doesn't belong to us. '''Well, I think... And he wasn't rude to your son, cause I was lying on the couch listening to him. He just said, "Bring it on by." He was...something that's not coming to us. I think you need to re-evaluate where you're coming from. ' I think that I will call the police if you continue to harrass me, because I don't understand why you're bothering me. 'begins, plays throught this call It's a COD, eight-hundred and fourty-two dollars. ' '''T'hen I don't have a COD coming to me, sir. Nothing. Your son owes me twenty-five dollars. So I don't know... '''It's a of ninety-six hundred gallon tank of squid from... We did not order any nine-hundred and...thank you. --- Yeah? Yeah, this is Bernard over at United Parcel. What, uh, what seems to be the trouble here? United Parcel? Yeah. Yeah? Fuck you--drop dead. I think that you need to re-evalute your guys' position. ' I think you need to come over here so I can kick your ass. '''This is a nine hundred and twenty dollar COD delivery. ' Good. You bring it on over here. 'Oh, we'll be there in ten to fifteen minutes ' That's a good idea, you bring it on over here and I'll have the cops here to meet you. 'We need certified funds today. ' You bring it. --- Hello? 'This is Curtis at UPS calling. ' Ok, look, you know... '''We're having a hard... ...on the phone with you guys. And I'm... Not with me. ' ...or somebody from UPS. I didn't order anything, you've got the wrong number. '''No, it's got yesterday's date on it. ' I didn't order anything from UPS. 'Well, we're on out way. And uh, 227, two-hundred and twenty seven is due on the shipment. ' No, I did not order it and I'm gonna have...if you don't give me a number or your last name, or who you work for, I'm calling the police and having them file a report file. I went through this before with you people. I'm not playing this a second time. '''I do have, I do see a flag here on your account, meaning that, uh, you have been problematic. Gimmie your name. Well, I don't... Gimmie your last name, Curtis. Gimmie your last name. Don't make me call the police and have this phone traced--I will put a tap on it. I played this game once before. I am not in the mood for it today. Lady, come and get me. ' Listen to me, sir. Gimmie your fuckin' last name. '''Nayla. ' Gimmie your phone number. 'It's 1-800-PICKUPS. You've probably seen it a thousand times. ' Right. Bullshit. You know why? Cause I call that number and it's not, it's not real. Gimmie your real number. '''1-800-PICK-UPS, 1-800 No, I've called that. I've called that. It doesn't work. I don't believe you. two, five... Say it again? eight, seven, seven. ' Gimmie the number again. '''I've already stated it. ' I couldn't hear you. '''We're on our way and we need twenty minutes, but we need a check for $227... Not gonna get it. Prepared. ''' Not gonna get it. '''Kay? Not gonna get it. I don't believe you. I did not order anything. You are calling the wrong house, you're calling the wrong number. It's a different house, different number. If you call me again, or if you come by my home, I will have the police arrive. We'll be there in fifteen minutes. ''' Fine, I'll have the police here waiting for you. '''We'll have a four hundred and sixteen pound squid that's in a tank... I've already dealt with this squid shit before with you people! Do not start it again. I will ''call the police and have this done. I ''will have this done. I don't care if you gave me a false name--I will use it. And I'll have them tap my phone. I'm not in the mood for this game. Ok? I have too much goin' on in my life to fuckin' play games. Don't be playin' this game again; do not call this number again. --- Hello? Uh, ma'am, that's, yeah, that's it--we've got flags on your account now. Do-not-call-this-number again! We're signifying you as a problem customer. Do-not-call-this-account again! --- Yeah? Yes, this is Bernard at United Parcel. Drop dead. Ok, you have been flagged as problematic. Drop fuckin' dead! Why don't you come over here and talk to me? We'll be there in fifteen minutes! I'm waitin' for you, cocksucker! Category:Special delivery Category:Long-winded Category:Squid Category:Bernard